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How to Call a Girl

I always hear you experts say when you get a girls number just call her ask her to meet you somewhere and hang up. I wish it was that easy, whenever I try that girl's always flake and I mean always. I'm starting to think they do that because of security, I think they don't wanna meet you because they don't know you yet so they want to talk on the phone. 

Do you know why whenever I ask a girl to meet me when I call her it never works ? 

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Let's break this one down and talk about it, because you bring up some good points. 

Yes, a woman does need to feel comfortable and REASONABLY secure to meet you somewhere. Women have a trust account balance of ZERO (sometimes less, depending on her trust issues) for you when you first meet them. 

However, this does NOT mean that you need to spend an hour on the phone telling her your history so that you can gain that trust. Too often, guys think that they need to tell her all the biographical information about themselves before she'll agree to meet. 

Ask yourself this: 
"What can I tell her (or NOT tell her) that would make her interest in me so unbelievably high that she HAS to meet me?" 

This is your overriding focus. That's all you have to think about. Get out of your own head (where most guys sit, wondering "Why isn't she just jumping all over me?") and start to take the ACTIONS that make her interested in you. 

Now, too often, a guy starts out with a diminished view of himself, as he's viewing himself as guilty until proven innocent. So what does he do? He proceeds to tell her where he works, how long he's been there, how many people in his immediate family, their names, where they live ... 

BLAHH... blahhhhh..... 

What's lacking in all that information ? 

Excitement ! There's not one drop of excitement and mystery in any of that information. Facts are dry and dull, and they don't make her trust you more. Tell her something that she can get excited about. 

Let's say, for example, she was talking about her sister going over to Europe. 

"You know when I got back from Italy last year, I felt like I'd just come back from the best food in the world. But what were you saying about your sister?" 

Keep her talking about herself, and drop small incidental facts that make her CURIOUS. 

For example, she's talking about her best friend getting a new car. 
"I was thinking of trading in my car, too," you say. "But it's perfectly good. What do you drive?" 

And after she's told you about her car, you can bet that she'll want to know more about YOUR car. 

Talk as much as you like about HER, but keep your disclosure relevant and somewhat foggy. 

Now, it's really a balancing act. You see, you have to weigh some measure of control over the information. You have to give her a little information that proves your social status, while at the same time making her excited to think about actually meeting you again and talking to you more. 

Is everyone getting this? 

Nod your heads with me. 

Good ! 

She has to be MORE excited and interested in seeing you again than she does to NOT see you again. She has to feel she has something to GAIN by seeing you rather than something to GAIN by AVOIDING seeing you again. There has to be more PLEASURE for her to do it, or she just won't do it. 

The best way to handle this concern of yours is to start with a pre-determined time limit on the phone call with a woman. Start with 15 minutes and do your best to go less if you can. Write down a few facts that are relatively interesting about you (most guys go on and on about sh*t she couldn't care less about.) And make sure you sprinkle in enough humor and cocky comments that you get her feelings engaged. Listen to her interest in her voice and tone and words. 

So, you don't just get on the phone and say, "Hi, Jane. I'd like to get together with you this week. Let's meet at Starbucks at nine. See you then!" Click. 

Way too abrupt. Use your head. 

You have to avoid looking like you're avoiding giving her any talk or conversation about yourself. Plan out a few details about yourself, think about how to phrase it so that they sound interesting (instead of "I'm a garbage man," try: "I'm cleaning up this country one residence at a time"), and make it funny enough that they're entertained. 

Another fact worth noticing is that if women are flaking on you, there is not enough interest in you to keep them interested. Bottom line. You're not doing a good enough sales job at the start. (And "sales" does not mean "reciting your family history.") 

Sometimes women flake because of legitimate reasons. Sometimes they flake because of their mood. Sometimes they flake because of ANYTHING or NOTHING at all. There's always going to be some women who are not that into meeting with you. 

But in my experience, most women flake because they were never sold well enough in advance on all the excitement and fun they'd have by meeting you. 

If I were to guess something else that's holding you back, I suspect you're not thinking from the space of a guy who is totally confident that what he has to offer is beneficial to her. You are still coming from a zone where you feel you need to "prove" yourself to her in some way before she'll meet you. She hears it in your voice and your words and your attitude. 

You're assuming you're guilty before you're proven innocent. 

As a result, just to get you off the phone, she'll agree to a meeting, knowing that she can just no-show later on. She's just trying to not hurt your feelings. (Actually, women are simply trying to not feel bad about THEMSELVES for making YOU feel bad. That's why they don't just say "no.") 

Here's an iron-clad strategy that will at least improve your odds a little. When you're done making the plans to meet, you tell her: "Now, Jenny, if there's one thing I hate in the world it's when I'm flaked on. Don't you hate that, too?" (Wait until she agrees.) "And I just know you're not the kind of girl who would flake on me. Would you?" (Wait until she falls all over herself to convince you that she's definitely NOT a flake.) "Good. Then you're the kind of gal who deserves my time. I hope you're ready to have fun on Thursday. See you then." 

Some guys will even read that and say to themselves, "I could never say that to a woman!" Mostly because they have never set a boundary on the kind of mistreatment they're willing to accept. And, as a result, women have no problem piling on the mistreatment. 

I guarantee you if you get them to verbally acknowledge that they will show up, you will increase your show-ratio by double, if not more. 

Now, it also sounds to me as if you're not planning this out enough in advance. If you get a phone number after talking to her for 3 minutes on the street, you then need to understand that you have a woman who is only mildly interested in hearing from you again. You have to make the next phone call sooner than you might normally have, and you have to make it at least twice as interesting so that you get her interested enough to meet you. 

It's tough to balance your level of disclosure with a woman. There's a fine line between what you feel you need to tell her and what she really needs to hear. 

I learned the hard way about this when women would lose their interest in me before we even got to meet once. 

In fact, it infected my whole attitude with women, and before you know it I went from moderately successful dude to frustrated chump. 

Then, I saw what was going on. It became so clear that women don't want men who just chase around after them like lost puppies. They don't want "Nice Guys" who give them everything they want. (That's the problem! Most every guy gives a woman exactly what she SAYS she wants!) 

Keep Her Off Balance

I'm not a fan of "manipulation" or "head games" in relationships or the whole singles scene. (For those of you who've read the e-book, I explain how using strategies can be thought of as manipulative, but it really isn't.) 

One tactic that I think is important early in the meeting process with a woman is to ensure that you do not instill in her a sense of false security and stability. 

Women are used to having the upper hand in all things having to do with relationships. I don't believe they do this maliciously, but it is a power and control issue with all dating situations. 

I'm going to propose something very controversial, but I believe works out the best for everyone in the end : 

Keep her off balance. 

What I mean by this is that you do not want any woman feeling too secure or cocky about how you feel about her or the hold she's got on you. 

This goes back to a key principle of human behavior : The things you are most attracted to are the ones that you are not certain about. Uncertainty breeds an incredible gratitude for the times when you're rewarded. 

Training for the more intelligent animals (dolphins) is done by what is known as intermittent reinforcement. This means that once a behavior is trained, you will get more consistency by only rewarding an animal at irregular intervals - not every time. This has been proven time and time again in tests, and it's just as true for men and women. 

You've probably experienced this in your own life. Have you ever had a woman who was inconsistent - or hot-and-cold - with her sexual interest? You never knew if you were going to get some. When you did, you felt the reward, but the other times when you didn't you were being trained because you were more likely to work for the POSSIBILITY of sex the next time. Perhaps work even harder. 

If she wants a kiss, give her one, but not when she asks for it. Then, when she leans in for a kiss, you hold her off - nicely. "Whoah, there. Are you trying to take advantage of me?" 

Another way to keep her on her toes is to always be ready to say something controversial. Then, a few seconds later, appear to say something to contradict it. (Be sure to never change your opinion to match a woman's. A far better tactic is to take an area where she agrees with you and change your mind on her.) 

If you are talking to her, and she goes to the bathroom, disappear on her before she comes back, then walk over to her a few seconds later. 

Inconsistency is the key to driving her desire up. Consistency only sends messages to her subconscious that you are a man she could RELY on, but that doesn't make her LUST after you. 

You can use an analogy of rides at an amusement park : 

Consistency is the Ferris wheel. Ho hum. Boring. You go up, and around, and back down ... and up.... Nothing fast. Nothing unknown. Just a tall view and look around the area. 

Nice, but NO thrills. 

Inconsistency - Surprise, danger, thrills - are found on the ROLLERCOASTER. Get her in the front car and start her heart racing with the unknown. 

You have to get her on the right ride if you want to get where you want to go. 

Keep her off balance, so she doesn't know what's coming. 

It's easy to start falling into traps of thought when you're a guy, and you don't have the same social support system a woman has. It's easy to fall prey to thinking about women, dating, and sex in a "logical" way. You start to believe the "Men are from Mars" hype, and you start to suffer in your dating because you THINK you're giving women what they want, but it's not working. 

Get out of your own head. 

Start observing what works out there in the real world. 

For years, you've been programmed by bad television, bad movies, bad dating advice from men who aren't getting laid - you name it. It's time to end this pattern once and for all. 

I think a lot of guys are stuck in their own thought patterns, self-reinforcing all their responses to women and are not able to get out of these learned patterns. The first step in the process of improving your success with women is knowing the game. Learn the rules so you can play it without getting thrown in the penalty box on every meeting with a gal. 

Aren't you tired of going out on dates with that knotted feeling in your stomach? You know, the sensation that things could go either way with a woman, and you're flipping a coin. You feel like the chances of having it work out with her are due to probability, not ability. 

It doesn't have to be this way. 

Wouldn't it be great to go out and meet with a woman and know in advance how things will go? Wouldn't it be fantastic to kick back and relax, feeling like you can be more like yourself if you have an understanding of the game you're playing instead of winging it ? 

THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most importantly, how to avoid the bad ones. 

Wouldn't it be great if you could go into this weekend knowing that you could go anywhere and get hooked up with any woman you want? 

You can get this kind of understanding RIGHT NOW. Head on over and download these priceless strategies now at http://www.pick-up-girls.com/dynamics and get your dating life under YOUR control. 

How To Start The Conversation And Get Her Phone Number

There is this girl I noticed the other day that I thought was one of the most attractive girls that I have seen. I looked over at her and she looked back, but instead of talking to her and introducing myself, I just kept walking. I was hoping you could help me on what to say to her to start the conversation and hopefully get her number or get her interested. 


I think the question isn't really about what to say. It's about why you didn't say ANYTHING. 

For starters, let me ask this : 

Did you walk out your door yesterday with any idea as to what you might say to a woman if you saw one you were interested in? What about today? Did you sit down and think about who you might encounter in advance and formulate a plan? 

Problem 1: Lack of preparation. 

You have to be ready for the circumstances that life will send you BEFORE you encounter them. This takes planning and foresight -- and just a little, tiny, bit of (oh boy, do I even want to say this?) ... 

Work. 

I know this will come as a shock to many guys, but women will not just automatically flock to you without your expending a little bit of effort. And this particular effort is the toughest work of all for some people: It's called THINKING. This is what separates the winners in life from the also-rans. (Sure, there are other pickup "artists" who tell you that if you whisper nine magic words in her ear she's going to jump out of her panties for you, but I know you guys are smart enough to smell B.S. from a mile away. Dating and seduction takes a little effort, but it's the best kind, if you ask me.) 

There are two kinds of guys in the world: There are the men who prepare for success, and the men who never achieve it. 

Sit down and think about the situations you usually encounter women in, or plan to. Think of two funny, teasing things to say in each circumstance. Write them down. Memorize them. Stop giving yourself an excuse not to act. 

And you'll never have to spend time kicking yourself about missing an opportunity again. 

You probably also noticed how much easier it was to keep walking than it was to force yourself to stop and take a risk by talking to her. This is the situation you MUST reverse if you are to ever have lasting success with women. 

You want to know what to say to her to start the conversation? How about, "Hi!" 

Asking me to tell you what to say to her is a cop-out for not thinking for yourself. You already know what you had to do, and waiting for me to tell you what to say is just so much smoke. It's not as important that you say the RIGHT thing as it is to say SOMEthing. Get it? (Remember, brothers, tough love. You CAN handle the Truth.) 

You must feel MORE motivated to stop and talk to a woman than you feel that it is good to keep on walking. (Re-read that a couple of times. That's IMPORTANT to understand.) 


Problem 2: Fear of rejection. 

How would you feel if a psychic told you that you missed out on meeting the love of your life today by not stopping when you had the chance and just saying hello? Would you sulk and mope around for a couple days ? 

Or would you get pissed off enough to take some ACTION, and not let this happen again ? 

Don't look at the pleasure you experienced by walking away from that situation without having been rejected. (Because you basically didn't do anything.) Instead, remember the pain of knowing you passed up an OPPORTUNITY without taking any action. 

Let that pain motivate you to plan now and DO something the next time. 

Every time you let one of those opportunities slip away in your life, guys, the more you condition your nervous system that it's OK to keep on losing. 

"Oh, it's okay," the Loserboy in your head tells you. "She probably wasn't your type anyway. She's got funny ankles. NEXT time we'll say 'Hi' to her." 

You just made yourself feel okay about losing again. Losing one more opportunity. Losing one more phone number. 

Losing, losing, losing. 

And so the path to the Dark Side begins. 

Turn it around. NOW. Before this becomes your habit. Before you turn into the Darth Vader of wimps. 

Don't turn a single mistake into a lifelong behavior. I know you can turn this around. 

Remember, I want you guys to understand - deep in your bones - that it's not what you say or even how you say it that is nearly as important as saying SOMETHING. 

Better to say something and screw up than to say nothing and never know what might have been. 


Get The Dating Black Book. There is more than enough information in there to get you started on the right path. It was designed to prepare you for these situations, and the E-zine tells you exactly how this psychology is killing your chances with women.