Marriage And Dating, Am I The Only Girl Out There Who DOES NOT Want To Do It Again?
So as I was talking to one of my guy friends we started talking about dating. He asked me if I was dating anyone and how things have been since my divorce. My reply was "No I am not specifically dating anyone" but I have had a couple of guys I have had sexual relationships with but that is all it was. We never went on dates to the movies or dinners. I would basically go spend the night, eat with them and we might or might not have sex, it would just depend on the night. I did not specifically have sex every time I spent the night with someone, but I still would not call that dating.
If you look up the definition of dating on Wikipedia the free online dictionary it states that :
Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several senses, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country. The most common sense is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they're compatible bygoing out together in public as a couple, and who may or may not yet be having sexual relations, and this period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage.[
If I read what this is really saying as far as engaging in social activities together as a couple, or to see if I am compatible with someone in order to move the relationship further into having a possible committed partner in the future, this is not what I am doing. I do not consider going over to a mans house and having sex with him as dating so I stick firm on my answer that I am not dating anyone but having casual sexual relationships with men as I feel like it.
While we were talking I stated to him that whenever I met a man I always had to come right out and specifically say I am not ever getting married again so don't ask me. When I was younger before I got married to my husband every guy I did actually date seriously did ask me to marry him. I have been asked 4 times in my life if I wanted to get married. Of course the only one I did marry was my husband and one other guy I did say yes to but he ended up passing away of Cancer before we actually ever did get married. We were engaged for about 5 years and it was just not that important to me to be married and have a Mrs. in front of my name so I never pushed for a wedding and nether did he.
It was never important to me to say I was married. I was with this man for 12 years or my life before I met my husband. I am actually fine being single. Being called a spinster by my friends before I got married was kind of a joke they were always using on me, LOL....You can't really call a woman who can bear children and still in her 30's a spinster but they did and I just laughed it off.
The funny thing is I have the stigma now of saying I am divorced which pretty much is a failure as far as I look at it or before I got married saying I was single and childless in my 30's and no one wanted me which still seemed like a failure to a lot of people, but I didn't really think of it that way. So either way unless you get married and never get divorced it is not really a good thing. I guess deciding which is better to be called is up to the person. At least if someone says they are divorced one person in the whole entire world wanted them and they actually have proof, kinda stupid I know but it was all I could think of right now.
Anyway before my conversation was over with one of my guy friends I was talking to he stated that every time he met a woman she was needy and wanted to get married. He told me I was the only woman he knew who specifically came right out and said I am not getting married again so don't ask.
He said this was actually attractive to men that I was not needy looking for someone to save me and take care of me. This is probably why I have so many men that I have known for a long time or who I have met this past year who just would not let go even if I said I am not dating anyone or ever getting married again. I have actually been laughed at a couple of times by men saying "ya right" you'll be married within 5 years. It pisses me off but I can't really do anything about that.
As of now in my life I have zero intentions of ever getting married to a man again. I have zero intentions of splitting all of my possessions I had before I met the man and giving him half of my stuff he was never entitled to in the first place. I think as we get older some people do get a little smarter and realize that they would like to live the rest of their lives in peace and without drama drama drama.So what this all basically comes down to is: If I don't ever plan on getting married again, living with a man again or having a serious committed relationship with a man why would I just date one man? Why would I even date a man at all? I wouldn't would I? This seems kind of silly to me. I like sex and I love to spend time with men and feel all the emotions and stuff like that with a man. And let's face it, sex with yourself is not as fun as sex with another person. But, I do not want to be put in a position where I have to constantly be saying, don't ask me to marry you and blah blah blah, all that other stuff.
So basically I am only left with sexual relationships with men at this point in my life. It seems to me that it is the only way a man will get the hint I do not want more from him. If I never want to go anyplace with a man or out to dinner with him, I cut off all the possibilities that the relationship would form into anything more than what it already is, which is nothing but a sexual thing.
A lot of men get their feelings really hurt that this is the way I am. It is nothing personal to them and I am not sure if I have done a very good way of explaining this to them without hurting their feelings but I still think they want and hope that I will change my mind eventually. Up until this point it has not happened for me. I have not changed my mind and in the process I am breaking a lot of hearts by respecting my own wishes.
So before this particular guy friend and I parted ways he grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eyes and said " Will You Marry Me?" I just looked at him and laughed. I proceeded of course to say no. I knew he was only kidding since we just had the conversation about relationships and dating. At this point it was just kind of funny, we laughed about it and now it is a big joke that we continue to laugh about and I am sure it will be something we laugh about for a long time.
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